Courtly Love
by crackedconcrete
Summary: SwanQueen / Mixed POV - Much to Snow White's displeasure, her daughter Emma Swan learns the old fashioned way to crack on to a Royal i.e. Former Evil Queen, Regina Mills. But the Sheriff is so preoccupied with the rules of Courtly Love that she fails to see that in fact, the Mayor has a little scheme of her own.
1. Chapter 1

a/n: hello! so this is my new fic, Courtly Loveeee!  
I really hope y'all enjoy the first chapter because I've got plenty more coming!  
few disclaimers: one, I don't own OUaT (would consider selling my right arm to own Regina Mills fyi) and two, I have no beta so all mistakes are my own, and three, IT'S SET IN STORY BROOKE BUT SLIGHT 'AU'.  
also, NO HENRY (nor mention of him; I know, I know it's weird but go with it)

you can find me on tumblr at pinetrees-andmountains-please . tumblr . com! come say hey.

**SQSQSQ**

The morning was like any other at the second finest food establishment in the sleepy town of Story Brooke. The Mayor of said town sat in her own booth by the window, tackling a stack of pancakes laced with spicy apple pieces and garnished with proper Canadian maple syrup that she demanded to be shipped in. This was the average Tuesday morning at Granny's coffee house. Mayor Mills was happy that nobody disturbed her on these mornings; even the irksome Emma Swan obeyed the simple rule of staying clear of booth twelve every Tuesday morning. This was Regina's morning and she'll be damned if she doesn't let the entire town know it.

"Morning Regina; one cappuccino with an extra shot and today's paper," Ruby nudged the 'reserved' sign out of the way. The delightful Ruby Lucas had edited it recently with a marker to read 'Reserved; Regina's seat. Do not disturb'. Regina paid no attention to the overly friendly waitress and snatched the newspaper right out of her hands.

Ruby placed the orange ceramic cup and saucer down onto the tabletop and sauntered back to the front counter where she sorted out Leroy's daily order of a bacon and egg wrap.

Regina cut a bite-size square out of her last pancake and slipped it in between her mauve-coloured lips. She kept her gaze firmly on the article in front of her but also habitually looked out the window every so often to watch who would walk past.

Archie… Katherine… David… the Zimmer twins… _Emma_…

Regina's attention was instantly captured by the blonde who stood just outside the set of baby blue painted wooden steps that led up to Granny's. The Mayor paused her chewing and glared at the offending woman. Emma's back was to Regina but the Mayor recognised the mane of blonde hair trapped underneath a hideous excuse of a beanie. Regina sneered and swallowed as Emma pulled out her pale hands from the depths of her jacket and attempted to warm them up with her breath. As the Mayor turned back to her pancakes, Sheriff Swan looked up through the windows of Granny's to spot a smirking Regina reading the newspaper. Emma inwardly cursed herself for telling Snow White she'd wait outside for her. By the lack of layers present on the Mayor, Emma knew Granny's would be a sauna compared to the below freezing levels outside. She glared at the brunette who flipped the pages of the local newspaper while blowing on her coffee.

Regina was the main reason that Snow White had demanded breakfast with her daughter. Emma had tried to explain that Regina was not to be disturbed on Tuesday mornings, but the pint sized ball of fury commanded breakfast and the previous Queen of Fairy Tale Land was not to be convinced otherwise. Emma had apparently been displaying a concerning amount of affection towards her Mother's arch nemesis which had Snow White alarmed. The Sheriff blanched at the memory,

"Screw it,"

She trudged up the steps and pulled open the door to Granny's. A flurry of iced wind whipped through the tiny café as Regina sliced up the rest of her pancake into bite-size servings. Before the Mayor had enough time to conjure and let rip a snarky comment to the blonde daughter of her sworn enemy, Emma sidled herself into the chair opposite Regina.

"Burr; Christ, it is cold out there," Emma tore her beanie off her head and dusted the snowflakes off it, unperturbed by a very unimpressed Regina glaring at her.

"Ms Swan," Regina warned as she lowered her fork from her mouth.

"Yeah, yeah, no one is to disturb you before nine on a Tuesday morning, but I've come to warn you,"

"How very considerate of you," Regina lifted her coffee up to her lips and took a sip before continuing, "but don't you think it could wait until at least nine oh one,"

Emma motioned to outside and Regina curiously glanced that way. After Regina had cursed the entire population of Fairy Tale Land to Story Brooke, Maine, the whereabouts of the infamous changing maze owned by the Queen of Hearts, Regina's mother, was lost. That is, until a few weeks in, the mayor was inundated with complaints about certain hedges stealing items off of citizens and blocking pathways. Much to Regina's amusement, chunks of her mother's notorious plants had taken root throughout the entire town; most of it, making the front garden of Granny's its home. But it wasn't that that Emma was pointing out. It was the fact Emma's Mother was standing next to one of the nastiest hedges, oblivious to the fact a tendril was digging its way through her handbag.

Regina lifted a single eyebrow as she watched the blonde stifle a giggle at her Mother's stupidity.

"This is your warning? That Snow White is getting mugged by a plant?"

"Oh god no, this is just purely for entertainment purposes," Emma flashed Regina a megawatt smile and Regina was slightly taken aback from the woman's sudden benevolence.

They sat in silence, watching the hedge remove Snow White's car keys and a bottle of water from her bag. The school teacher was still none the wiser.

"Maybe I should tell her," Emma muttered as another thicker tendril snaked out the bush and wrapped itself around the pom-pom on top of Snow's pale pink beanie.

"Give it a minute…" Regina wiggled closer to the window, her stockinged knee brushing up against the Sheriff's jeaned one.

Snow White gave out a loud shriek as the hedge whipped the beanie right off of her head. She patted the top of her head frantically and glanced upwards. Snow White yanked the beanie from the plant's grip and stuck it back onto her head.

"Gets me every time," Emma chuckled as her Mother also suddenly realised her keys and water where missing.

"Who'd Jeff get this time?" Ruby strolled up to Regina's table and took away the Mayor's empty coffee cup,

"Ms Swan's Mother," Regina clarified. The three women watched the helpless Queen wrestle her steel water bottle from the mischievous plant.

"I've told Leroy he needs to cut it back but he keeps saying 'next time girlie, next time'",

"I daresay that Leroy just doesn't want to be shown up by feisty vegetation," Regina mused as Ruby shook her head and left Emma and Regina to sigh at Snow White.

"Anyway Ms Swan, back to the conversation at hand," Regina schooled her features and laced her fingers on top of the table, "you have a warning for me?"

"Oh yeah, right," Emma turned to face Regina but her green eyes zeroed in on the discarded pancake, "it's just Snow being, you know, Snow"

"That's _it_? That's _all_ you have for me?" Regina watched Emma pick up her discarded fork, lick it clean and jab it into one of her pancake squares. Emma jammed it into her mouth much to Regina's distaste.

"Well, you know… she thinks you're following her and," Emma gulped and went in for a second square, "she's paranoid,"

Regina didn't move her hands as her nemesis's daughter reached over her clasped fingers, poking at the leftover pancakes.

"She has every right to be paranoid,"

The Sheriff stabbed two squares and brought them to her lips, "she totally thinks you're following her,"

"But I _am_ following her,"

Emma twirled the fork around as she spoke with her mouth full, "yeah, but she doesn't know that; she just thinks that,"

"Do you know why I'm following her Ms Swan?"

The blonde swallowed and went for another, "because you think she's trying to rise up against you and take back her position as Queen, or whatever,"

"Precisely," the Mayor's eyes sparkled,

"Sheesh and we're calling Snow paranoid?" Emma wiped her mouth clean with a napkin, "Christ Regina, she can't even handle a pickpocketing bush," the blonde waved her hand in the general direction of Jeff and Snow.

"She's smart," Regina stated,

"Pick… pocketing… _bush_,"

"Blue was her advisor,"

"This is my mother we're talking about here, not…like, Satan. If Mom was Satan we would be having bigger issues on our hands,"

Regina cocked her head slightly as she stared at the blonde in front of her, "our hands? When did this become _our_ hands Ms Swan?"

"Which brings me back to my original statement; Mom hates you and I'm scheming up a… well, scheme, that'll prove you're not really a bad person," Emma avoided eye contact as she finished off the last of Regina's pancake. The Mayor was touched. Snow White's daughter, the product of True Love, was siding with the apparent Evil Queen. It was beautiful.

"As touched as I am dear, Snow White's opinion on me is extraordinarily biased,"

"You tried to kill her Regina,"

"I had legitimate reasons in doing so,"

"Whatever," Emma inhaled loudly and leaned back; content with the fact she'd just stolen half of the Mayor's meal. Regina huffed,

"Are you not going to let me in on this little scheme you've created Ms Swan?"

"Ah-ha," Emma waggled her finger at the mayor, "no, no I am not,"

"Then why tell me?"

"What fun is that?"

Emma smirked as she rapt against the window and the school teacher turned around. The Queen brightened immediately but then frowned at her daughter's company.

"_There is all the fun in that_," Regina chided, desperate to squeeze tiny bits of information from one of Story Brooke's hardest nut to crack before Snow White entered the premises.

"Emma, tell me; _now_," the bell above the front door to Granny's chimed. Emma stood up awkwardly and placed her flat palms right in front of the stunned mayor, and leaned in slightly, "No,"

Snow White glanced over to the couple and motioned to Emma that'd she'd be seated at table four, down the other end of the café. Regina fumed silently as Emma wiggled her way out of the booth.

"Why are you trying to help me Ms Swan," Regina's voice was barely above a whisper but Emma caught it before she turned away.

"I'm a firm believer in second chances, especially for those who haven't even been given the opportunity to prove to people they can change," Emma placed a timid hand on Regina's shoulder, "I believe in you Madame Mayor, you might not agree with me or understand, but I don't know man, I feel like under that hard exterior of bad ass-ness, you're a walking marshmallow of kindness," the Sheriff squeezed the Mayor's shoulder affectionately and headed over to where a mildly pissed off Snow White sat, leaving the Mayor of Story Brooke to ponder what on Earth her Sheriff had in store.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO – Punctual Perfection

Regina Mills was a walking mass of punctuality. Some in the sleepy town of Story Brooke would rather classify her as a cold hearted meticulous bitch, but all could agree on one thing; she was a stickler for being on time. Regina knew that not everyone had the impeccable timing skills like she had – for example, Ms Swan –; her punctuality was the stuff of New York City, not a tiny non-existent town on the coast of Maine. And even if she was late, even by a minute, she'd state to the offended crowd that 'a Queen is never late, but rather, all her subjects are early'.

Regina tucked loose strands of her wind swept hair back behind her ear and cleared her throat as she marched down the main street of her town on a crisp Wednesday morning. She had precisely seventeen minutes to get from this point to the front doors of her office. Regina glanced up and sighed at the sky above her; the sky was a mottled grey, like someone had splashed black ink into a body of water. Some days she tampered with the weather; with a simple flick of the wrist, she could make the darkened clouds dissipate to reveal an ocean blue sky speckled with fluffy hazes. But today was not one of those days. Today the town was going to receive the full force of whatever that deceiving sky was going to produce; snow, rain… a vast and random selection of cats and dogs, who knows.

Regina turned the corner and paused momentarily. She did this every morning. If anyone asked – not that anybody did – she would say she stops to smell the roses in Ms Ginger's garden. It wasn't that. She knew that two doors down from Ms Ginger was Snow White which also meant Emma Swan. This was her moment to school her features before she stalked past the other Queen's humble abode, acting indifferently as the troublesome blonde came out to get the newspaper. Regina kept her chin high as she scanned each little house for any signs of life; not that anyone would come out and bade her good morning, but just in case someone would run out wielding a knife and the Mayor would have to blast the peasant with a burst of dark magic. It was only Emma Swan who saw past the prejudices each morning and said hello. It was these brief meetings that reminded the Mayor that the Sheriff wasn't actually as annoying as her brain would regularly remind her. She knew she didn't enjoy it as much as she should but it was the fact that each encounter was at the exact same time in the exact same spot every morning, that really made her day. Regina primped her hair once more and started the usual morning ritual. It was a simple enough meeting. The Sheriff would blindly stumble out the front door, clutching a large steaming mug of god knows what – possibly coffee, possibly mulled cider, Regina didn't dare ask – and sporting a set of mismatched pyjamas. The Mayor glanced over to the white washed house of Snow White and waited patiently. Even in this realm, the pixie haired woman still chose to live in a building that oozed saccharine with its picketed fence and flourishing garden that put the French's flower shop to shame. Regina's eyes flicked up habitually to the top floor where she knew Emma Swan resided. The blonde's ghastly yellow bug was still parked on the curb of the street so there was no way the woman would not be home. She wasn't like Regina; the Mayor would happily brave the cold but the blonde… not so much. The Sheriff was like a lizard, never leaving her warm den. Regina waited with bated breath for thirty more seconds; waiting impatiently for the front door to be thrown open and the Sheriff to begin her short trek to the letterbox to collect the newspaper. But it didn't. The walking mass of punctuality glanced down at her watch; seven past eight. She was on time, yet the Sheriff was not… again. She smiled to herself. Regina waited for two more minutes before pulling out her mobile phone. Regina denied the fact that Emma Swan's number was on speed dial under four; her own thoughts on it was that Emma was the Sheriff and she needed to be reached immediately at any given moment. The Mayor clicked number four; the subtle ring of Ms Swan's phone rang out from inside the woman's bedroom. Regina waited and after twelve rings, the incompetent blonde answered, "mm?"

"Good morning dear,"

"Ah Regina," the Mayor heard a rustle of sheets and the sound of several joints cracking, "what do I owe the pleasure of your call?"

"Tell me Ms Swan, what's the time?"  
"Um, like… _oh shit_,"

Regina pulled the phone away from her ear and ended the call. She stood there, smug, as she heard a squeal, a loud bang and then finally, the cry of her number one Sheriff,

"Fuck Snow, Regina's here! I'm late!"

The front door swung open and Emma exited the building in the same manner she did every other morning. Regina, in all her weirdness, had mentally noted that the other woman changed her sleepwear every fourth day so she was mildly surprised when the blonde came out wearing a worn out ribbed singlet and a pair of turquoise boxers with Pugs on them stating 'pugs not drugs', instead of an oversized grey tee shirt with the Coke slogan on it.

Regina gave Emma a strained smile, "good morning dear,"

"Morning Madame Mayor,"

"Did we have a bit of a sleep in Ms Swan?"

Emma poked her tongue out at Regina as she leant down to pick up the slightly yellowed roll of newspaper.

"Maybe I had someone over…?" the Sheriff quipped, winking at the slightly crestfallen Mayor, "I'm joking Ms Mills, my alarm clock didn't go off,"

Regina had a disastrous habit of peeking into everybody's private life, especially to anyone who had anything to do with Snow White. Everybody knew that and everyone goaded the gullible mayor with titbits of information to send Regina reeling.

"Not Ruby again, was it dear?"

Emma's green eyes twinkled mischievously; leaving the question unanswered as she stuck the newspaper under her arm.

"Anyway, always delightful to talk to you in the morning Madame Mayor, but its quarter past eight, and you have a town to run and I have a town to protect,"

Regina snorted, her cheeks pinking slightly; embarrassed that she had spent the past ten or so minutes chatting to her mortal enemy's beautiful daughter.

"Yes, thank you for your concern Ms Swan; I shall be on my way,"

The Sheriff saluted Regina as she walked away, extraordinarily flustered at the onslaught of highly inappropriate thoughts of Emma. It was like this every morning because Ms Swan would constantly forget to wear a bra when she braved the cold for the daily tabloid and it made Regina hate the woman even more. The original source of hatred came from the fact she was the daughter of Snow White and the product of True Love, the next tier of hatred came from the fact she had perky breasts which gave Regina a dry mouth, wet panties and the definite solidification of her sexuality.


	3. Chapter 3

a/n: okay, this piece isn't going to be very long; probably around 16 chapters? a little more, a little less, I don't really know. Anyway, I'm glad y'all enjoying it so far. I will be writing up some new stories soonish. Life's just a bit hectic.  
I'm not entirely sure how I will be finishing Courtly Love, but if you guys have any suggestions on how I should do it, don't be afraid to tell me! :)  
Anyway! Here's chapter 3. Enjoy x

* * *

"Emma, its four thirty, and you were staring at that screen the last time I came in,"

"Huh?" The Sheriff blinked a few times to clear her vision and glanced over to the intruder, "oh, hey Red,"

Ruby dumped a brown paper bag beside Emma and sat down in other Sheriff's seat. She grabbed a pen from the table and stuck the end of it into her mouth as Emma unrolled the bag to inspect the delicious goods that Red had brought over,

"Caesar salad and a bear claw,"

"You're a saint," Emma pulled out the takeaway tray of salad and the plastic set of cutlery. Ruby pointed at the computer screen,

"Courting Royalty in the Medieval Times, what?"

"Oh, um, just a little bit of research," Emma closed down the page and popped the lid off of her lunch.

"Research? Since when does Emma Swan do research?" Ruby giggled as Emma stuck a leaf of lettuce into her mouth,

"Since I kind of need to know where I come from,"

Ruby raised an eyebrow, "so like, where I'm from?"

"Yeah,"  
"We're from Fairy Tale Land, not the Medieval Times,"

"Same, same,"  
"Oh boy, it's really not,"

Emma turned her attention back to the computer and opened the page again, "you guys had some bad ass weaponry, that's for sure,"  
"Once again; Fairy Tale Land, not Medieval,"

"…Trebuchet… Catapult…"

"_Magic_,"

Emma swung around to face Ruby, "could you use magic?"

"Nah, you had to have been born with the skill; Regina was,"  
"I know that, but just curious if anyone else was…"

Ruby eyed the screen once more, "why are you looking up courting… more specifically, royalty courting?"

"I just… um," Emma slyly slid a page of notes underneath the keyboard but the waitress noticed, "one of the topics on the list you could choose to read about,"  
"Oh right, so what's with the notes?"  
"What notes?" Emma glanced around the desk animatedly, "I see no notes,"

"Those notes," Ruby, as quick as a striking snake, stood up and yanked Emma secret page of courting notes from under the keyboard. Emma squeaked and threw herself at the other woman, slapping and clawing at her. Ruby lifted the notes way out of Emma's reach and read them out loud,

"Courting in the Medieval Times… or in other cases, how to court Regina Mills. Aw Swan, you've got it bad for the Mayor,"

"Ruby, give it back!"

"Step one; let them know of your interest with your eyes and or glances. You've got a bracket here that says flowers, question mark. I think you've accomplished this one, I mean, the whole town knows you want to bang the Mayor,"

"Ruby Lucas, you asshole," Emma squished the palm of her hand into the waitress's cheek but still, the brunette spoke,

"Step two: worship of the lady from afar; you've written down here, stare but not too intently. I can assure you Ems that she is well aware of your so-called _worshipping_; you practically ogle her when you guys are in the café,"

Neither of the bickering pair noticed the set of heels that clicked against the linoleum floor.

"Shut the hell up before I shove my napkin down your throat," Emma reached up but Ruby simply swapped the sheet to her other hand, "ugh, Ruby!"

"Step three, declaration of passionate devotion,"

The two women froze. Regina's heels tapped on the flooring as she rounded towards the frozen couple. It was an awkward position; the waitress arched backwards in the chair with a slip of paper held limply between fingers, and the Sheriff pressed up against said waitress trying to grab the paper. Emma blinked owlishly and suddenly realised her position on Ruby.

"Uh Regina, hi, hello," Emma peeled herself off the waitress and dusted the front of her shirt,

"So indulge me Ms Swan, why are you spending valuable work time researching the steps of Courtly Love?"

"Uh, you know… just because I can," the Sheriff's arm shot out to seize the offending piece of paper but Ruby quickly shoved the notes under her butt so that she couldn't grab them.

"Your mother is the walking dictionary on all things love-related; why didn't you approach her?"

Regina leaned forward in between the two stunned women and picked up the plastic fork discarded next to the salad. She gracefully stabbed several pieces of chicken and a leaf of lettuce, and popped it into her mouth.

"Because she's my mother,"

"Or maybe she simply doesn't approve the type of company you prefer," Regina raked her eyes up and down the length of Ruby's body and she chewed. Emma's eyes bulged out of their sockets at the Mayor insinuation,

"Oh, no, no, no, I am not seeing Ruby,"

"Whatever you say dear,"

"Trust me, I'm not banging the Sheriff; you're all good on that part Regina," the Mayor glared at the waitress who sat nonchalantly at the Sheriff's desk, chewing on the lid of a pen, "trust me, she's trying to get into somebody else's pants,"

"_Ruby_," Emma hissed as she slapped the waitress. Regina stepped closer to Emma, clearly violating the Sheriff's personal space.

Her voice was barely above a whisper, "and whose pants would they be Ms Swan?"

Emma had had her fair share of being cracked onto by women, but being hit on by Regina Mills was a whole different ball game. The Sheriff wasn't even sure if the Mayor was being genuinely flirtatious; she'd heard of the stories from Fairy Tale Land of how Queen Regina coerced her loyal subjects to do what she wanted with a simple bat of an eyelid, both female and male.

"Now what fun would that be, telling you?"

Regina scowled at the cheeky blonde who was biting her bottom lip.

"You are infuriating Ms Swan," The Mayor searched the woman's face for some hint, some kind of crack she could break apart and divulge herself in. Frustrated from the lack of facial expression, Regina pushed the Saviour down into her chair, "but I think I might have a slight inkling to who you are chasing after,"

Emma stayed silent as Regina brushed some of the Sheriff's golden locks off her face then cupped her cheek with her soft manicured hand.

"There are two different sets of Courtly Love, the peasant version, or the royal version," Regina stated matter-of-factly as the Emma paled, "every girl knew the rules of Courtly Love, not because we wanted to, but because we had to, right Ms Lucas?"

Ruby nodded woodenly, "yeah, mine where heaps different to Regina; her and I were on different ends of the spectrum," the waitress looked up at the former Evil Queen.

"The rules that were just read out are _my_ rules; so therefore, logically, you are trying to woo a Royal and there is only one other royal blood apart from you and your family, my dear," Regina leaned down, her hot breath on Emma's ear, "me,"

Regina pushed with all her might so that Emma and her swivel chair rolled against the flooring and crashed into the metal grate of the cell door behind her.

"Step four; virtuous rejection by the lady,"

The Evil Queen spun on her heel and disappeared out the room, leaving Ruby open mouthed and Emma cursing herself for being stupid.


	4. Chapter 4

a/n: okay I'm going to admit, maybe in the previous chapter Regina was a little to harsh to the Sheriff, but remember people; she's a walking entity of sass and an EVIL QUEEN. I think that explains the need for drama.

Anyway! Here is chapter 4, enjoy! x

* * *

Regina already knew that Emma Swan was a hard nut to crack but she needed to get to the source – the reasoning – behind her sudden interest in Courtly Love. Her run in with the Sheriff was a fluke; she said that all in hopes of getting underneath the skin of the tightly wound woman. Yes, Regina was Royal but the rules that were being discussed where for the upper class as well, which meant Ms Swan could be wooing any one from Jefferson to Maleficent.

The Mayor had timed the _accidental_ encounter perfectly. Regina knew it took Snow White ten minutes to drive from the elementary school, where she taught, to her home on the other side of town; basically three streets down from the Mayor's house.  
Regina added another ten minutes on top of that for the school teacher's after class social interactions. So all in all, the Mayor would 'bump' into Snow White in about half an hour.

Once again, Regina had decided to walk to work which meant she _had_ to walk past Snow's house in order to get home. She hummed to herself as she neared her nemesis's house. From a distance, it looked like Snow White was struggling to carry something from her car and as Regina neared, it was true. The Mayor rested for a moment outside Snow's house, watching the tiny woman carry two very heavy looking hessian-styled bags from the back of her dusty four wheeled drive. The small Queen huffed and groaned as she staggered her way to the front door. Regina smiled to herself. She _could_ watch the woman struggle and cry out to the Gods above for cursing her with heavy bags or she could help – emphasis on the 'help' part. The brunette sighed and deemed it unfit for a changing Queen to _not_ help others in need, so with a flick of a wrist, the heavy bags floated off of Snow's shoulders. Ms Swan's Mother yelped as the bag prodded her gently on the head; she turned around frantically to find the source of the magic.

"Oh! Regina, thank you," Snow smiled at the former Evil Queen and Regina was now regretting even helping the woman, but she had to put on a brave face if she was ever going to prove that she had changed, or more so, in the process of changing into a better person.

Regina mirrored the smile, although extraordinarily more strained than Snow White's, and unlatched the gate to the other woman's home.

"No worries dear," Regina stopped right in the middle of the pebbled walkway, and crossed her wrists over her stomach. Snow White furrowed her eyebrows at the Mayor's movements. She had known Regina for a very long time and yet, this sudden act of kindness was baffling. Snow White blinked, waiting for some kind of reasoning for the intrusion, but Regina Mills stifled a yawn and kept staring at her step-daughter until the penny dropped.

"Oh, uh, Regina would you like to come in for something to drink?"  
"That'd be exquisite dear," Regina drawled. She primped her hair and stalked into the house, leaving Snow White slightly confused at the door step.

"Excuse the mess, I wasn't expecting visitors," Snow hurried out in front of Regina, scooping up misplaced items, dumping them onto the tweed couch and throwing a blanket over the top of the heap. Regina had seen Emma attempt this cover up multiple times, especially in the police station. Emma would stick piles of uncompleted work into empty manila folders just as the Mayor would walk in to ask how she was going with the files. Regina smiled at the similarity as the school teacher busied herself with the two mugs.

"What can I do for you Regina?" Snow White emptied the freshly boiled kettle into the two cups; a green teabag into the red one with polka dots and two scoops of coffee and one sugar into the plain forest green one. Regina sat down onto one of the few wooden stools dotted along the counter. Snow passed her the coffee and Regina gave her a curt nod of thanks.

"I have a question about that meddlesome daughter of yours,"

"Ah, what has she done now?" Snow leaned back onto the counter adjacent to Regina and lifted the mug up to her lips as she crossed her ankles; a very Emma Swan position.

"She's become interested in the rules of Courtly Love," Regina blew on the coffee as Snow chewed the inside of her cheek in thought.

"Probably just interested about where we come from," Snow busied herself with fetching a tin box of cookies out from her pantry, "I mean, it _is_ her heritage after all,"  
"I don't ever remember you being this curious about your heritage,"

"I was, but you killed off anyone who knew anything so… it kind of put a damper on things," Snow pried off the lid and took a Ginger Nut out. She dunked it into her tea and bit it.

"Ah, yes, that's right," Regina took a sip and cursed the woman for being able to make her coffee order spot on, "anyway, she's interested in the royal rules… not the peasant's,"

"So? She's royalty just like you and I. Of course she'd be curious,"

"Is it just curiosity or something else dear?"

The cookie stopped half way between Snow White's coffee and her small mouth, "what are you implying?"  
"You know exactly what I'm implying Snow; I think Emma is trying to win the heart of an upperclassman,"

The school teacher sighed, "There aren't many of us left…"  
"That," Regina raised a finger from her mug, "was not entirely my fault,"

"You killed off lines of Royalty Regina,"  
"They were going to steal the throne!" Regina retorted as Snow shook her head,  
"No, _I_ was going to steal the throne, not the seventh son of King Hendrix the third,"

"To be fair, he was a strange looking fellow,"  
"Yeah, four generations of incest does that,"  
"How about Queen Eliza, that woman was giving me all kinds of salacious looks when we met,"  
"For the last time Regina, Queen Eliza was a lesbian; didn't mean you had to kill her and her ten children. How she had them is still a mystery,"  
"Oh," Regina furrowed her eyebrows and took another sip, "right,"  
Snow started reciting families Regina had slaughtered, "The Seas Family, the Barnett Family, Warwick, Denver, Habit, Greene, Inala's…"  
"Okay, yes, I killed off families," Regina cut her step-daughter off and huffed, "but you and your family survived,"  
"I put Emma into a magical wardrobe as you waltzed on into my castle and murdered _everybody_,"

"I didn't murder them, I sent them here; get your facts right before you accuse me of something dear,"

"Sorry that I misconstrued some of the facts as I was relaying the dozens of royal families you slaughtered," Snow snapped as she banged her mug down onto the countertop. Regina swirled her coffee aimlessly, unperturbed by the school teacher's outburst. Snow calmed herself, "would you like me to let Emma know you came around?"

"I'd prefer not, no," Regina pushed the coffee away from her and stood up, "keep in mind that your daughter is learning the rules of Courtly Love and I _will_ find out why she attempting to court if it's the last thing I do," Snow White nodded, too exhausted to even answer properly, "good day Ms Blanchard,"


	5. Chapter 5

a/n: holy hell i am so sorry for the delay. life is super busy atm whoa.  
also, i have a couple of more stories coming up and also might start a 'sq drabbles' thingy idk, still deciding. anyway, on with the show! here is the next chapter... hope it's not too confusing for y'all xx

Emma x

**SQSQSQ**

"Step five, what is it?"

Emma shoved a handful of chicken flavoured potato chips into her mouth, "renewed wooing with something, something, virtue and something else,"

Ruby massaged the skin between her eyebrows, "once again, you are wrong. Snow, let's hear it,"

"Renewed wooing with oaths of virtue and eternal featly," Snow chimed as she bustled past, armed with a feather duster, cleaning the living room of her home. After the encounter with the former Evil Queen just under an hour ago, Snow White was working to make sure she was never caught in a messy room with her Evil Step-Mother again. Ruby sat cross legged on the coffee table as Emma bashed the back of her head against the cushion of the three seater couch,

"I got 'renewed' and 'wooing' and 'virtue' right, right? They are like the three main points of step five,"

The school teacher paused with a washing basket on her hip, "eternal fealty is also a massive thing,"

"I don't need eternal fealty," Emma whined as Snow White left the room to put on a load of washing,

"Yeah but Regina does," Ruby whispered as she shoved her hand into the bag of chips and started munching,

"But why, it's so stupid,"

"What's stupid?" Snow zoomed back in, snatching up a dirty towel off the floor of the living room that had fallen off the basket,

"Fealty," Ruby sighed as she munched dejectedly on the chips,

Snow sighed at her daughter, "oh Emma, if only you grew up in our world,"

"Yeah, no thanks; we've got indoor plumbing and internet; not changing that anytime soon so I can 'court' someone with eternal… whatever that word was,"

Snow frowned and disappeared once again.

"I think it's cute that Snow thinks you're trying to learn the courting rules. I can't wait for the moment she realises you're using that knowledge to bang her evil step-mother,"

"Fuck," Emma immediately lost her appetite, "why did you have to put it like _that_?"

The Sheriff's phone rang loudly and Emma looked at the caller ID as she picked it up,

"It's technically true though," Ruby added as Emma blanched; Regina's was calling.

"Enough with the technicalities Red, gross," she clicked 'answer' and put the phone to her ear,

"What can I do for you Madame Mayor?"

Ruby waggled her eyebrows to Emma as Regina cleared her throat, "_Ms Swan, the second lot of theft files charged against Hansel and Gretel are not on my desk_,"

"I put them there this morning," the Sheriff looked at her watch; it was five forty five, way past Regina's finishing time.

"_Where_,"

Emma rubbed her eye as she tried to remember exactly where she put the folder, "uh, check your first drawer?"

"_Not there Ms Swan_,"

"Second drawer,"

"_Still not there_," Regina sighed,  
"Fine, bottom drawer?"

There was a pause.

"_What were you doing looking in my bottom drawer_?"

"What? I didn't look, I just suggested that…"  
"_Never look in the bottom drawer Ms Swan_," Emma gave Ruby a 'what the fuck' facial expression and went back to listening to Regina, _"…enough with your incompetence, I will find the files myself_,"

"Have you learnt step five yet honey?" Snow yelled out as she sauntered back into the living room. She stopped and froze when she noticed her daughter on the phone.

"_Who was that?_" Regina seethed.

"Your arch nemesis, who else," Snow frowned at her daughter's term of endearment.

"_No need to get snappy Ms Swan, I was just curious_,"  
"No, you were being nosy,"

"_Semantics_," Emma pictured Regina waving the comment off, "_anyway, like that wretched school teacher stated, have you learnt step five?_"

Emma snatched the list from her dazed best friend's hands and scoured the list, "yep, renewed wooing with oaths of virtue and eternal featly,"  
"_And how's that working out for you dear_?"

"I'm still trying to figure out what eternal featly means,"

"_Unbelievable_," and with that, the Mayor hung up on her Sheriff.

"What was that all about?" Ruby asked as Emma wiped the screen of her phone on her jean leg,

"Regina being fed up with my incompetent Sheriff skills and something to do with the bottom drawer of her desk,"

"What's in the bottom drawer of her desk?"

"I have no idea, she just said, don't touch it,"  
"Which in Emma Swan's language means, touch it,"

Emma chewed her bottom lip and she tapped her phone against her leg, "yeah, maybe,"

"What do you mean 'yeah maybe'? Dude, she could be hiding awesome secrets in there!"  
"Okay, you're off the phone and I'm back," Snow sat down beside her daughter but Emma paid no attention,

"Like what? What could she possibly be hiding in a little drawer? A spell book… a severed hand?"

"I was thinking more along the lines of a dildo but that could work,"

"And I'm out," Snow heaved herself off the low couch and disappeared into the kitchen; patting Ruby's shoulder as she went.

"Why would Regina resort to a _dildo_? She could have any man she wanted!" Emma's exasperated,

"Who says she wants a man? She might want you!" Ruby added,

"Porn," Snow muttered as she zipped back through the lounge room to her open bedroom.

"Come off it Ruby, as if Regina's into chicks,"

"Porn, porn, porn," Snow White hurriedly plumped the throw pillows on her bed and picked up a skirt she'd abandoned this morning when getting changed.

"_Snow_,"

The tiny woman clenched her eyes shut, "oh no,"

"Mom, get in here, we have a question for you,"

"I'm not talking about Regina's sex life if that's what you're after,"

There was silence and Snow cracked open a single eye.

"Okay, we have a question about Regina's… _acquaintances_,"

"Ugh," Snow threw the last pillow onto the pile and weaved her way back into the lounge room. She was clearly not getting out of this alive.

The school teacher plopped down beside her daughter and faced her daughter's best friend, who grinned knowingly.

"Darling Snow," Ruby started,

"Yes Ruby?" Snow battered her eyelids at the smiling brunette, "what can I do for you?"

"How do we put this delicately…?" Emma touched her mother's shoulder before Ruby clenched her fist and pounded on the coffee,

"Damn it Snow, what gender did Regina take to her bedroom?"

Emma blinked, rather shocked at her best friend's crass. Snow wasn't fazed.

"Both,"

"Okay excellent we have a start," Ruby rubbed her hands together,

"Which one more than the other though?" Emma enquired curiously. Snow White turned to her daughter, a glint of moisture sparkling in her eyes.

"Women; lots and lots of them… especially blonde ones,"

The waitress and the Sheriff were dumbfounded by the school teacher's outburst.

"Well, there you have it," Ruby stated, throwing her hands up in the air. But Emma and Snow stared at each other as a single tear ran down the Queen's rosy cheek.

"I won't let you go through what she put them through," Emma tried to speak but Snow put a finger up, "I know you like her Emma, it's clear as day. I'm only angry because I saw what Regina did to those girls,"

"But she won't do it to me," Emma scooped her mother's tiny hands into her own, "trust me,"

"I can't, and she will,"  
"She's changing Mom, why can't you see that?"

"Because she's still the Evil Queen in my eyes,"

"Fine, if you can't change, at least try. Try to understand; give me the blessing to go through with this," Emma pleaded with her mother, squeezing her pale hands.

"Come on Snow… do it; we all know both ladies need a good lay,"

"_Ruby_," Emma and Snow shouted at the waitress.

"Just saying," Ruby put her hands up defensively and decided that maybe disappearing to the kitchen was a good idea right now.

Emma was pushing it and she knew she was. The Sheriff shifted her weight to face her Mother straight on. She was trying to get her Mother to understand that her mortal enemy was changing; was trying to become a better person. The Sheriff was not the one for heart-to-heart conversations but she needed Snow White to understand.  
"Come on Snow, just this once," Emma pleaded,

"What if she hurts you honey?"  
Emma nodded curtly, "then I'll join you in tearing Regina a new one,"  
Snow eyed her daughter sceptically, "I won't kill her – I won't stoop to her level – but I at least demand a public shaming,"  
"I read online that in the Medieval times, people used to put criminals in shackles in the high street and then throw tomatoes at them; is that something that catches your interest?" Emma waggled her eyebrows at her Mother,  
"Rotten tomatoes," Snow corrected with the quirk of a single eyebrow, "so much more satisfying,"  
"Rotten tomato shaming it is," Emma patted Snow White's hand twice and went to get up off the couch to head out.

"Emma," Snow sighed,

"Yes Mom?"  
Emma wrapped her fingers around the door handle and turned her attention back to Snow White. The school teacher paused for a second and Emma immediately thought the petite woman was about to change her mind. But Snow tapped her cheek with her forefinger quizzically,

"Add some rotten pumpkins mix won't you? Your Father likes to lug heavy things at people who deserve it,"

"Sure thing," Emma saluted the former Queen,

"And Emma,"  
Emma rested her forehead on the wood of the front door, "Yes Mom,"

"Learn your Courtly Love steps, won't you? The only reason I'm not ripping you apart for it is because you're my daughter,"

The school teacher's words hit her harder than she originally anticipated. She should have known it was a joke but Emma instantly hardened. Her nostrils flared,  
"Wow, what such warm words Snow,"

"I know what you're thinking 'how'd I get a mom like you Mom?' but trust me, it hasn't been easy," Snow joked, not realising she had hurt Emma's feelings,

"Ah yes, especially after that moment you stuck me in a magical tree as an infant and whisked me away to another realm where I was found on the side of a road, just so you could save your own arse,"

Snow White paled and immediately lurched off the couch to apologise to her daughter but Emma slammed the door shut behind her; the brass door knocker clunking loudly against the wood.


End file.
